Chemo #4

Today is round 4 and again, I'm ready!  It feels really good to know that today I have fewer chemo days ahead of me than behind me.  While this  journey hasn't gotten as horrible as I thought it would (yet), I am eager to get off the chemo rollercoaster.

The only reason I've been able to make it this far with a smile on my face has been because God has given me a spirit of confidence and peace on this journey.  He's also given me and my family an entire village of people to hold us up.  There's a song about being God's hands and feet... so, so many people in my life are exactly that to me.  God doesn't make us meals or take my girls for play dates, but you all do!  God doesn't send me kind texts out of the blue or stop me at church to see how I'm doing, but you all do.  God comforts me, through His word and through you all.  It's amazing and lovely.  A true blessing for me.  We sang one of my favorite hymns at church yesterday and the second verse brought me such comfort and truth.

How Firm a Foundation

verse 2

Fear not, I am with you, O be not dismayed

For I am your God and will still give you aid

I'll strengthen you, help you, and cause you to stand

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand

For this blog post, I thought I'd update everyone in a different way than usual.  Rather than just sharing the side effects (which were mostly the same last round),  I thought I'd put together a list of things from the journey, so far.

1.  An Imodium a day keeps the diarrhea away (mostly).  For anyone who ever struggles with diarrhea through chemo, my secret weapon has been to take an Imodium after each stool.  It has been magic for me!  

2.  I am horrible at thank you notes.  Friends, I am a deeply thankful person, oftentimes thinking about the kindness shown to me at random times throughout the day and night.  I admire the gift that many of you have of sending cards and texts for no reason, other than just to let me know you care.  I feel humbled at how good y'all are at reaching out and embarrassed at how bad I am at reciprocating and/or showing gratefulness.  I have tried my hardest to keep up with thank you notes on this journey, but I am failing.  So I feel the need to say that whether or not you've received a thank you note is not a reflection of my gratitude.  Please know that I'm trying to get better at them, but it's not something I'm good at.

3.  My school and district are being super understanding and flexible with me now that I'm back at work.  Several of you have asked how this school year will go.  So teachers started back last week on Thursday and Friday.  I worked both days.  But because of chemo today, I'll be off work for the next 8 school days.  My white blood cells are their lowest until day 10.  For that reason, I'm planning to return to work on day 11 (next Thursday).  If I don't have any appointments or any icky days, I should be able to work for 7 school days before the next chemo.  My substitute is Mrs. Greene, our Pastor's wife.  She teaches preschool at our church in the mornings, but has always subbed in the afternoons.  She has graciously agreed to be available for my treatment/recovery days, as well as for a whole month after surgery.  I feel very fortunate to have Mrs. Greene covering for me!  I'm also super grateful that the district is allowing me to use my days, so I'll be paid for all the time I'm anticipating being gone.  I guess its a good thing I never used very many days for maternity leave (summer baby + job sharing baby = lots of saved days!)

4. My family has the best support system!  Seriously, the best!  I always knew that my village was awesome, but it became a bona fide, undisputed fact last night.  A very sweet girl from our church, Lillie, along with the help of her family and friends organized a spaghetti dinner and silent auction benefit to help our family with medical and other expenses.  To be completely honest, when they first approached me about having the event, I felt so humbled by the offer, but also a little bit uneasy about the idea.  Ryan and I have always been on the giving side of these types of events. The idea of having others give of their own time and money left me feeling unsure.  We have been on the receiving end of extreme generosity since I was diagnosed and to ask any more of our village was beyond my comprehension.  It's also important to note that another lesson God has been teaching me through this experience is that I need to be more generous of myself.  You all are teaching me that, showing me what it looks like.  But Lillie and her family are some of the most generous people I've ever known and they didn't let me stop them.  And I'm so glad they didn't!  The event raised over $6000, which is enough for 2 years of my out of pocket max for health insurance, but the money wasn't the only thing that overwhelmed us last night.  Ryan and I were both taken back by how many people showed up... for us.  I mean, it was so cool to see and feel the love from everyone!  It almost felt like our wedding reception!  Our cousin, aunt, and bonus aunt drove all the way down from Iowa/Nebraska to surprise us!  My handbell director from middle/high school drove in from Topeka.  My almost-birthday twin Kristy drove down from Maryville.  And a couple hundred friends/family in town were there to support us.  Y'all, it was humbling and awesome at the very same time!  It was a great way to spend Chemo Eve!  I found myself unable to speak multiples times last night because I was so overcome with emotion.  It's unlike me, but I was just blown away.  I'm so grateful God has placed me here, with you all, on this ride.  

5. Prayers work.  God hears the prayers of His people.  I wanted to share with you that after my last blog post, I wrote specifically about the fear that I'd been feeling and asked you guys to pray for me.  Within the next 24 hours, the fear had faded and I was back to trusting God to handle everything.  Thank you for the prayers.  They mean the most to me.

Please continue to pray for me.  Here are some specifics...

• Pray that I do not require radiation.
• Pray that God would lead Ryan and I to know what is best for me, reconstruction or going flat. 
• Pray for my Ryan.  He is handling all of this so well, but I know it's difficult for him.  Pray that he would be able to feel joy, true joy, despite the stress of this situation.  
• Pray that I will stay healthy, even though Gracie and I will be exposed to more germs at school.