Chemo #2

I'm just sitting here getting my chemo pre-meds.  My counts were good today and I'm physically, spiritually, and psychologically ready to keep on going!  Although the steroid caused a mostly sleepless night last night, so I'm a sleepy girl today.  That's alright though, I've got plenty of time for sleeping blocked out for the next few days.

I forgot to share in my last blog post that the chemo appears to be working!  The nipple leakage is gone!  In fact, it's kind of too much information to share (but that's never stopped me before) but the area where the leakage was coming from dried out, almost like a callous or something.  Then within a few days, the callous rubbed off, maybe from the friction in my bra, I'm not sure?!  But it's gone and I'm happy!  Dr. Satelli confirmed this morning that it's a sign the chemo is working.  Not very often, but on occasion, people get to the mid-way check and they discover that it was all for nothing because the chemo wasn't working.  Ugh!  But it appears that mine is working!  Praise the Lord!

We've had an eventful past few days.  We snuck in as much girl-fun as we could while Daddy was on a much deserved fishing trip to Bennett!  We had two swimming dates with friends, watched some fireworks, and had a Head Shaving Party!  

Ever since the first treatment, I was waiting for the hair to begin falling.  On day 15, it started.  And I didn't like it very much... at all!  I've always had a head full of hair, so I'm used to shedding quite a bit, but it just wouldn't stop.  It gave me a tummy ache every time I'd pull a handful out.  Being a "rip the bandaid" kind of person, I texted Tara, my lifelong friend and hairdresser and asked if she could come over on Friday night.  She made it happen, and then I started to fret.  I'm really not a vain person, never have been.  For example, if Ryan and I make a late trip to the store and I'm already in my comfy clothes, I won't bat an eyelash about leaving the house without changing or looking in the mirror.  My handsome husband, on the other hand, is a bit high maintenance.  He would never leave the house in comfy clothes.  He'd run back to the bedroom and change into something with a belt (I'm not kidding) and fix his hair or grab a hat.  Usually, I could've made it to the store and back before he's ready to go!  But for me, my hair has always been a defining physical trait.  My whole life people have commented about my thick hair.  So in some way, I felt like I was going to lose a part of who I am.  But I asked for prayers and I spent time praying and pondering the upcoming event.  And God did what He does.  He led me to realize that I am His child, Kristy Weaver, hair or no hair.  That was all I needed.  When it was time for the Head Shaving Party, I was almost excited!  The kids were looking forward to some fun!  Tara even showed up with a sack full of scarves and other goodies to make this experience easier!  She even had jewels on her scissors!  I invited my sister and her girls, my mom, and my sister-in-law and her girls for the fun!  Before we got to work, we had a serious talk about hair-cutting scissors and non-hair-cutting scissors.  All the little girls seemed to understand... time will tell!  Then the fun began!  I'll let the pictures tell the story...

Everyone who knew my dad has decided that I look a lot like him when I don't have hair!  I need to have my mom get me a picture of my dad when he was younger, just out of basic training.  We look like twins!  It's fun and creepy!

 

Then on Saturday, the girls and I decided to have some more fun!  Because it takes no time to get ready in the morning when you have no hair, I did my makeup and curled the girls' hair.  We painted our nails and tried on head scarves!  The girls even wanted to get their heads wrapped like Momma.  I'm telling you, these two girls have the sweetest hearts.  I was really worried before I began chemo that this time in their lives would be marked by sadness and gloom, but they have taken everything in stride.  Gracie confided in me that she is nervous that people will think I look funny and that she might be embarrassed if I don't cover my head.  I told her that it's completely normal to feel that way and that people might think I look funny.  She said she wants them to know that the reason I don't have hair is because I'm getting treatment for cancer.  So we've had a lot of conversations about how to handle tough situations.  I use metaphors a lot when I talk kids, so Gracie has gotten pretty good at figuring them out.  In this situation, I mentioned "When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade!" She just asked, "But how, Momma?"  She could figure out that the lemon in this situation was losing my hair, but she couldn't figure out how to make lemonade out of it.  So we discussed that adding sugar to lemons makes them taste sweet, not sour.  So we can sweeten this lemon of hair loss by adding joy, fun, happiness, smiles, earrings, makeup, cute hats, colorful scarves, a good attitude, and just being open to sharing with people why I don't have hair.  She started to get it and I can tell that the passing time is helping her feel more comfortable.  Hattie was her usual self in this experience.  She tends to be timid at first, but as soon as she gets used to things, she acts like she's been doing it her whole life.  On Friday night, she was unsure about my bald head, but by Saturday morning, it was like I never had hair!  

On Sunday, Ryan got home from his fishing trip.  The girls and I enjoyed some quality time with him before they headed off to a sleepover at Aunt Steph's house!  I tell you, these chemo treatments are like birthday parties for them!  Ryan and I have started a little ritual of snuggling on the couch to watch a movie the night before chemo.  It gives me something to look forward to.  For the first, second, and third chemo treatments, we're watching the Divergent series.  The first and second movies were awesome!  I'm making us wait till chemo #3 to watch the last one.  Then we have to figure out what series is next!  We wrapped up our night by putting away laundry and running the dishwasher.  I've discovered that a clean house before chemo makes me feel like a better wife and mother, for some reason?!  

Right before heading to bed, I finally worked up the courage to pick all the gooey stuff off the liquid bandaid over my port incision.  It's been 3 weeks and they said it would come off in a couple of weeks.  It's been driving me nuts, but I hate cuts and blood and such, so I've left it alone.  But I'm glad I picked it off because it looks much better now!

Well, the chemo fog has begun to descend upon me.  My thoughts are beginning to cloud and I think it's time to wrap up this post.  Thanks for your continued prayers and encouragement!  I've had such a fun time seeing all the #weaversbelievers posts today!  Y'all are amazing!

The prayer requests have not changed since the last post.  Please keep those prayers coming!

1. Pray that the cancer has/does not spread to my lymph nodes, blood, or other body parts (we won't know the answer the this question until after surgery)
2. Pray that it is clear to the team of doctors that I do not need radiation
3. Pray that my faith and the faith of my family is strengthened during this time
4. Pray that my belly and the dry mouth are more manageable this time around
5. Pray that the chemo does not cause any longterm damage to me
6. Pray that I do not get sick during this season of weakened immunity, but am still able to enjoy time out of the house with my family

One Chemo Down...

It's been 13 days since my first chemo and I'm feeling pretty normal.  Since so many people are praying for me and wondering how I'm doing, I've decided I'd share how the past few weeks have been.  In the world of chemo, they call your infusion day "Day 1" and count up from there.  Then you start back at day 1 on your next infusion day.

Day 2 was a fairly normal day.  I felt good enough to drive and took the girls to Toys R Us to get a new toy for each of them.  I went it for my first Neulasta shot in the afternoon.  Because I was worried about having a reaction, Stephanie and I sat in the infusion room for 30 minutes afterward.  And as it turns out, I had zero allergic reaction and zero of the expected side effects!  Thanks be to God.  Thank you to everyone who prayed for me about that!  But by the evening, I was beginning to feel the effects of the chemo.

Days 3-5 were rough.  I had a variety of side effects... tingling in my fingers/toes, racing heartbeat, slight nausea, lack of appetite, tastes altered, drug rash, extreme exhaustion, chemo brain, fungal rash,  heartburn, constipation, diarrhea, bloody noses, and dry mouth.  The exhaustion was intense.  I slept around 18 hours each day, trying to participate in life a little, but feeling too tired to sit up most of the time.  Most people compare the tired of chemo to having a newborn.  For me, it was a little more intense than that.  It was like taking NyQuil and having a newborn at the same time.  The tired was definitely a "drugged" feeling and you can't just push through.  In fact, I know people who say they worked everyday through their entire chemo treatment and I can say, without a doubt, that I will not be able to work everyday during this treatment.

The altered tastebuds and dry mouth became a real problem during this time, as well.  In fact, I'm just now starting to get past those side effects.  By day 3, my tongue felt like it was completely burned.  Like I'd eaten an entire bowl of boiling hot soup and my whole tongue was fried.  The inside of my cheeks and roof of my mouth felt raisin-ey.  I think that has something to do with the way the fat-soluble cells absorb the chemo drugs. At any rate, it made things taste different.  The only thing that really tasted bad to me was water.  In my real life, I only drink water, so the terrible taste was a problem for me.  I'm supposed to drink 100 oz of water each day and it's been very difficult to reach that goal since day 4 or 5.  I've allowed myself to drink Gatorade for 20 oz of the 100 because it tastes good.  It's weird, because in real life, I despise Gatorade, but on chemo it tastes awesome!  I've discovered that oil pulling helps my mouth feel better, so I've picked that habit back up.  For those who don't know what oil pulling is, it's basically swishing coconut oil in your mouth each morning for 20 minutes to help with oral health.  I did it through the winter to stay healthy, but this spring I kind of fell off the wagon.  Ryan thinks it's purely disgusting, but once you get over the ick of putting solid coconut oil in your mouth, it's not bad at all.  I didn't get back to oil pulling until day 11, but I noticed an improvement right away.  Next time, I'm going to oil pull beginning day 2 and hopefully the dry mouth and altered tastes fade sooner.

Late on day 5, the diarrhea showed up and friends, this diarrhea is not a joke.  It is horrible.  I'm sure you've all had the experience of eating greasy food and being in the car when the belly pains hit.  And you're thinking to yourself, I'm not gonna make it home.  I'm gonna have to stop somewhere.  Well, the diarrhea from the perjeta chemo is like that feeling on crack.  For those of you who know me well, you know I'm an open book and I share everything.  So if the word diarrhea is too much for you to handle, just skip the rest of this paragraph.  For those of you who want more details... read on.  It starts with gas pain in your lower belly and you've got about 15 seconds to make it to the bathroom before something terrible happens.  Sometimes it's just gas and sometimes it's not.  Either way, the pain is the same.  The kind of pain where you're doubled over, toes curled, rocking, moaning, praying for it to end.  After the first or second time, I usually get goosebumps and freeze each time it happens.  I think that's from the electrolyte loss.  It is absolutely miserable.  Completely awful.  It's important that all of y'all get right with God because I'm convinced that this is what having a bowel movement in hell is like.  I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.  It is the most painful thing I've experienced and there's no epidural.  Just yesterday, I thought I was past the worst of it, but apparently eating pizza like I used to will trigger the beast.  I had taken Gracie to her friend's house to play and it started while I was there.  I spent like 30 minutes blowing up their bathroom (sorry, Jessica!) and then thought I could make it home.  Wrongo-chongo!  I ended up in the lowest rung of hell, where really bad people go.  I was at a Dollar General in a filthy bathroom, with 2 empty rolls of toilet paper and 8 squares left of the third roll.  I honestly didn't even care about the filth or about the lack of toilet paper, I was just thankful I didn't blow up in my car.  Friends, it's terrible.  I've spent this first round of chemo figuring out how I'm going to live my life around this condition.  Taking Imodium kind of works, but I think I'm going to try to the prescription strength next time.  It's just a matter of timing the medicine, but still allowing my body to pass the waste.  I just know I'll figure out the balancing act, and hopefully that will be sooner rather than later!

Through the first week, the only other annoying side effect was chemo brain.  People compare it to pregnancy brain, but apparently I'm a genius during pregnancy.  I don't remember feeling so impaired back then.  You know that feeling after a taxing day at work?  When your husband asks how your day went and the energy it would take to answer the question is more than you can muster?  Chemo brain is that feeling coupled with ADD.  You can't find the words you want to say and they come out of your mouth in the wrong order.  It's weird.  And it's frustrating to me.  Even having a phone conversation is so much work that it's difficult those first few days.  I did not like it at all.  Luckily it faded by day 7 and my thoughts were clear.  It was so bad that I didn't trust myself to drive.  I just felt out of control of myself.  I like to be in control of myself much better!

By day 7, I was feeling mostly normal.  Days 7-10 are the days where your white blood cells are supposed to be the lowest, but I had been in the house for almost a week and I wanted to get out!  So for days 7-10, Steph and I took the kids on some adventures and I just wore a mask.  At first I was kind of unsure about the mask, but really, it wasn't so bad.  I got some looks and stares, but it was kind of fun to keep people guessing!  We went to Kaleidescope and the Moon Marble Company. I made it to a retirement party for some friends. Ryan and I took the girls to a skating birthday party, too!  I just wore my mask and had a good time!

Speaking of my girls, I must brag on them for a minute.  They're simply lovely.  For the few weeks leading up to my chemo, Gracie was going through a thing.  She was being sassy and whiny and begging to have her way all the time.  You know I still loved that girl, but it was challenging to like her for a bit.  But whatever the thing was has passed and she is back to her sweet self.  And I couldn't be more grateful!  She has been my right hand, without complaint.  She entertains her sister and helps with the dog and has asked what chores she can do to help.  She hasn't complained about trying all the new meals people are bringing to us.  She's actually discovered that she likes everything!  She'll ask me if I need to take a nap.  This girl is nurturing to the max, always has been, so I think she's thriving in her role taking care of me.  And Hattie is handling all this like a champ, too!  She's nearly 3 years old, so we're still having those toddler moments here and there, but her heart is pure sweetness.  I guess her sister has told her not to wake up Momma because in the morning, if she's up first, she'll come into my bedroom and tell our dog Pixie to "Get off the bed!  Momma is sleeping!"  Pixie will wake up and those two will run round the house until Gracie or I get out of bed. One morning last week, I woke up and she was quietly playing with her dollhouse.  I felt like the worst mother because I didn't even hear her wake up!  She's very conscious about my "owie for my port".  I still have some bruising around the incision and she is careful not to touch me there.  She is such a trooper and lets her sister step in when I can't.  Just last night, when my belly was acting up, she brought out the karaoke machine and said, "Momma, maybe we can sing songs while we wait for your belly to blow?!"  And so we did!  These girls are sassy, selfish, sinful little beings.... just like their Momma.  But you know what, they are also sweet, selfless, loving, amazing little girls, too.  I'm so grateful that they're still smiling and doing just fine through all this.  I could just smooch all over their little faces.... if I weren't terrified of their germs!  For now, lots of snuggles and I tell them often how wonderful they are.  Gracie beams with pride when I tell her and Hattie acts like, "Duh, Momma!"

I can't leave out Ryan... this guy has become the everything around here.  He does everything from shopping to laundry to dishes to taking the girls on adventures solo.  I am so grateful for him.  Still my favorite time of day is when we finally get the girls in bed and he and I can snuggle and unwind from this new normal way of life.  He is the best husband!  I guess this is the "for worse" we vowed about on our wedding day 11 years ago!  He is a man of his word.  For him, I am grateful.

I'm also grateful to all of you who've continued to shower us with love nice things!  The dinners have been so, so helpful and so, so yummy!  The encouraging cards and texts are so lovely, too.  I received the softest, most beautiful towels last week!  Love them!  And a lifelong friend made me an amazing quilt!  I'm telling you, I have THE. BEST. VILLAGE.  You all are amazing!  Please keep those prayers coming!

Here are updated prayer requests.  

1. Pray that the cancer has/does not spread to my lymph nodes, blood, or other body parts (we won't know the answer the this question until after surgery)
2. Pray that it is clear to the team of doctors that I do not need radiation
3. Pray that my faith and the faith of my family is strengthened during this time
4. Pray that my belly and the dry mouth are more manageable the next round
5. Pray that the chemo does not cause any longterm damage to me
6. Pray that I do not get sick during this season of weakened immunity, but am still able to enjoy time out of the house with my family

Chemo Day One

Well, I'm sitting here getting my first chemo.  My brain is a little foggy from the steroid, so I apologize if this post sounds funny!  I've never been drunk, but I feel like this is what it might feel like?!  That being said, I think today is the easy day.  From what I understand, the next week could be kind of icky.  But I'm ready.  In order to get to the end of the road, you've got to start the journey.  So here I am!  I've read the book of James several times over the past few weeks.  This verse I have chosen to focus on for today and the next few days.

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

We've had a busy couple of days leading up to the first chemo.  I got my port placed on Monday.  It was my first experience with "conscious sedation" meaning they let you stay awake during the procedure.  At first I was like, "Say what?!  I don't want to be awake for that!"  But it turned out to be totally fine. The incisions are kind of annoying right now, but shouldn't be a problem after a week or so.

I met with the Radiation Oncologist yesterday.  It wasn't my favorite appointment ever.  The doctor kind of confused me a little and muddied the waters by telling me that some people don't think chemo before surgery is a good idea because it makes it more difficult to determine if radiation is necessary.  He repeated that I was on the right path, but I'm not sure why he felt the need to mention the other path?  I was kind of like, "Well, I start chemo tomorrow, so I think my surgeon must think it's the best idea?!"  We won't know if I'll need radiation until after surgery and according to this doctor, the pathology may not be conclusive.  It's likely that there won't be a definitive answer about the radiation.  We'll just have to pray and see!

Also yesterday, the girls and I got haircuts.  Gracie and I are twinning with stacked bobs.  She LOVES hers and I like mine, too!  This is the first time Ryan and the girls have ever seen me with short hair.  Hattie is my little Rapunzel.  She's got the longest hair in the house now and she looks adorable with her braids and ponies and such!  It's likely that I'll be shaving my head in 2 weeks or so, so this is a good transition for me.  When the time comes to shave it, we're going to have a little party and my friend Tara who always cuts our hair is going to come over and let the kids help cut it... but only with Tara's special haircutting scissors.  I don't need Hattie getting any ideas!  Gracie and Kianna want me to try a mohawk before I shave it all off... so I'll be sure to get pictures! I think I'm dreading the awkward grow-out phase more than actually shaving the hair off!

The spoiling has continued with this chemo treatment.  My sweet and creative friend Rachel put together a tub for me and a tub for the girls to keep us busy when Momma is down.  I've been using some of my stuff today and I know I'll enjoy it in the days ahead.  The girls got an activity tub with a book of projects/crafts and Rachel thought to put several supplies in with it!  She's such a smart cookie and I'm so grateful!  The girls have already marked a few they want to try.  I figure Steph and her kids can join the fun with us!  Again, I'm just so grateful for the generosity of my village.  Every one has been just so kind and encouraging.  The amount of prayers being said for me and for my family are more than I could have imagined.  God is good to have given me all of you!

Here are updated prayer requests.  

1. Pray that the cancer has/does not spread to my lymph nodes, blood, or other body parts (we won't know the answer the this question until after surgery)
2. Pray that it is clear to the team of doctors that I do not need radiation
3. Pray that my faith and the faith of my family is strengthened during this time
4. Pray for happiness and normalcy during treatment
5. Pray that Ryan's stress level decreases as the days go by
6. Pray that I do not experience side effects of the chemo (it's worth a shot, right?!)
7. Pray that I do not have an adverse reaction to the chemo and Neulasta shot (given the day after chemo)
8. Pray that the chemo does not cause any longterm damage to me
9. Pray for stamina in the days ahead

My God is So Big...

The past couple of weeks have brought so many blessings and so much reassurance that God is in control.  And friends, it has been so comforting to experience His power.  

His power has been evident through the GIANT support system He has placed around us right now.  People have been unimaginably supportive and encouraging to my family!  Ryan, Gracie, Hattie, and I have been the recipient of an entire village of generosity.  People are reaching out to us to offer prayers, cards, cash, care packages, meals, childcare services, gift cards, and so many other things.  A sweet friend from church shared her collection of essential oils with me, along with a diffuser to help me through the anxiety I was struggling with.  A new friend through Gracie's school offered to take our family's pictures before I lose my hair, for free.  A thoughtful friend from work sent us a large check to help with medical expenses.  The list goes on and on.  A caring friend at church designed t-shirts to rally support for us and to help offset the medical expenses.  Another wonderful friend from church provided a large sum of money to help with medical expenses.  My sister, also known as "my agent", setup a meal train and other donations for our family.  Dozens and dozens of people have signed up to support us because of her hard work.  Ryan's work family spoiled us with paper goods to last us for weeks!  Family and friends have offered to attend appointments with me so that I don't have to go alone and Ryan doesn't have to miss work.  To be on the receiving end of such generosity is humbling and reassuring.  God has always been in control and He can use anything, good or bad, to reveal His glory.  

Check out our family pictures!  These are just a few of my favorites!  Text me if you want his contact information.  He was awesome and quick!  We're so grateful!

Another way God's power and plan have been evident over the past few weeks have come in the way of answers.  The genetic testing results came back clear for all major genetic abnormalities... including those responsible for breast cancer!  I didn't even realize how heavy that burden was until it was lifted.  I do have one "variant of undetermined significance" but it is something rare that presents before age 20.  The geneticist does not believe I have that abnormality.  For now, I'm going to take his word for it!  I also received  the MRI results (I survived it, by the way... barely), which indicate no cancer in the left breast.  Thanks be to God.  The MRI results showed that the mass in the right breast is larger than they thought, 11.5 cm, but the treatment plan is still the same.  So for now, I still have to decide what option I want to pursue in the fall for surgery.  Single or double?  Reconstruction or going flat?  There's a lot to learn and think about on that topic, so I plan to cross that bridge later.  

I have also seen God's power clearly through His word, the Bible, these past few weeks.  It is simply amazing how God allows Himself to be found.  He doesn't play games with me or send me weird signs to decipher.  No.  He can be found in the Bible.  It's so amazing that every time I open my Bible to read, He reveals something to me that brings me comfort.  Every time.  Psalms.  1 Peter.  James.  Proverbs.  Exodus.  Isaiah.  1 Corinthians.  Hebrews.  John.  Acts.  Jeremiah.  I've been all over the place in that book and His word is always pertinent.  It's right what I need, right at that moment.   When we seek God, He is found.  God has moved me, through this trial, to desire to be molded into His likeness.  He has given me a deeper understanding of His word than I have ever had before.  All because of this trial, I am closer to God.  And oddly enough, I'm grateful to be here.  It's a blessing to be "worked on" by God.  It also sucks.  But it really is a comfort to know that the Creator notices me and cares enough about me to "work on" me.  Through this trial, I am learning to find comfort in His sovereign plan.  I'm not there yet, but I'm learning.  

As for the treatment plan, here's what I know.  I'll be getting my port installed on Monday, June 11.  I was supposed to begin chemo that day, but due to a series of unfortunate events, I will not begin chemo until Wednesday, June 13.  That day actually works better for me anyway, so I'm gonna roll with it!  I am very ready to begin treatment.  When I had my chemo consult with the nurse practitioner, I learned about all the side effects and such.  It wasn't as scary as I was thinking it would be.  I know this is too much information for some, but it's likely that my biggest struggle will be diarrhea.  Lovely.  Although I really, really hate being constipated, so if I had to choose, I'd go with diarrhea.  She also said there's a pill for everything, so just call if I'm feeling super icky and they'll help me out.  Sounds like a good plan to me!  I'm just ready to start killing the cancer.  It's kind of a yucky feeling when you know something bad is growing right inside you and you have to carry it around as it continues to grow and become a bigger problem.  It's time the cancer goes away.  I'm done sharing space with it.

So for now, here are new prayer requests.  

1. Pray that the cancer has/does not spread to my lymph nodes, blood, or other body parts (we won't know the answer the this question until after surgery)
2. Pray that I do not require radiation
3. Pray that my faith and the faith of my family is strengthened during this time
4. Pray for happiness and normalcy during treatment
5. Pray that I do not experience side effects of the chemo (it's worth a shot, right?!)
6. Pray that I do not have an adverse reaction to the chemo and Neulasta shot (given the day after chemo)
7. Pray that the chemo does not cause any longterm damage to me

Again, we are so grateful to all of you who have taken the time out of your lives to support us and pray for us.  You have shown us such love and care and it means the world to us.  Please keep praying!

The Treatment Plan...

After several appointments this week, I now know the general plan for the treatment of my breast cancer.  The oncologist and surgeon worked together to come up with the best course of action for my specific situation.  That situation is this... I still have DCIS (cancer in the milk duct) but it is not contained to the milk duct.  It is outside, which means it's more "invasive" than I was originally told.  This is not extremely alarming to the doctors, they still feel very confident that is a treatable, curable, and survivable diagnosis.  It is also important to note that it is more likely that it could have spread to my lymph nodes since it is not contained to the duct, although the surgeon does not feel any indication, nor does the ultrasound show any indication the it has.  There is also a small chance it could have spread to my blood.  This is not likely.  So my first prayer request that this cancer has/does not spread my blood, lymph nodes, nor any other part of my body.  I also could have Paget's disease, which renders my nipple unsalvageable for the future.  The cancer I have is fed by all 3 hormones that can feed breast cancer, progesterone, estrogen, and HER2.  In the recent past, groundbreaking researchers have found methods to drastically decrease the reoccurrence of HER2 cancers.  This is a big deal for me because prior to that research, breast cancer fed by HER2 was more likely to reoccur.  I'm so grateful that God has revealed these new methods so that I can benefit from them.

In the next few weeks, I will begin chemotherapy to hopefully kill the cancer and possibly shrink it.  This means I'll have a port installed sometime soon through which they will administer my chemo.  I'll have 6 infusions, around 5 hours each.  It will take 18 weeks to complete the chemo (barring any setbacks) because I'll have 3 weeks between each treatment.They will monitor the progress of the chemo halfway through, probably through an MRI since my "lump" is not able to be felt.  I'll have my first MRI next Thursday so they have something to compare it to.  I'll likely finish up chemo sometime in October.  I've asked the oncologist if I can work through chemo and she says we'll have to wait and see.  Since my immune system is compromised, a school is not the best place for me.  But since I teach 4th graders, we might be able to make it work.  I'm just going to play that by ear.  I'll know more as the treatment progresses.

Because the affected area is 8-9 cm and the nipple is unable to be reattached, my surgeon has recommended a mastectomy for that breast about a month after I finish chemo.  Because of my age, there is a possibility that I could qualify for a double mastectomy.  I do not have to make that decision now, so I plan to let everything sink in before I start figuring that out.  Whichever I end up having, a single or a double, my surgeon says it's a 4-6 week recovery with at least 4 weeks off work. This surgery will likely be sometime in November or December, so I'm going to have to figure out what work will look like for me at that time, as well.  As for reconstruction, I'm really on the fence about whether or not I want to go down that road.  Again, I don't have to make a decision just yet, so I'm not going to worry about it.  If I choose to reconstruct, it's a 12-18 month process.  There are so many other factors that are involved in that decision, so I'm going to do some praying, thinking, and research before I decide.

After surgery, they will send my breast tissue to pathology.  At that time, they will determine if I need radiation.  If it has gone to the lymph nodes, I will need radiation.  If the area outside the duct is over 5 cm, I will need radiation.  My prayer is that neither of those situations arise and that I will not have to endure radiation. Because my dad developed a second cancer because of his radiation, I worry that could happen to me, as well.

I also had some genetic testing done this week.  The results for the breast cancer genes (there are around 15) will come in within 6-10 days.  The results for all other genes will be back in a month.  I opted for the full test since I was paying for it anyway.  And at this point, knowledge is power.  I could have future scans if I have genetic abnormalities that make other cancers more likely.  I know that it is what it is.  I can't change my genetic makeup, but I am currently praying that these test results don't completely scare the heck out of me and that I don't have any genetic abnormalities!  Feel free to pray with me!

I've got multiple appointments lined up for the next few weeks and into the summer.  I'll see the dietician to get some guidance about foods to have during chemo.  Unfortunately, I will not be losing weight during the process.  They'll pump me full of steroids.  I will lose my hair, so get ready for bald and beautiful Kristy!  Currently I'm having some anxiety about everything, so I setup an appointment with the oncologist psychologist, as well.  I know myself pretty well and I'm guessing that most of these feelings are because I'm extremely overwhelmed right now. I'm guessing they will pass as the ball gets moving and as my faith gets even stronger.  But I have an appointment in early July, just in case!  Please say prayers that my nervousness subsides in the days ahead.  I also have an appointment with a lymphatic specialist person-thing (I can't remember what they're called) because of some things that can happen to my arm after they take lymph nodes during surgery.  I have no clue about all that right now.  I'll figure it out later, too!

As you can see, I've got a lot of "figuring it out later" to do.  That's okay.  One thing I'm learning through this experience is that God wants me to find security in Him.  I'm such a planner and it brings me comfort and security to always know what is coming next.  Well... I'm living in a curveball right now and I must find a way to feel secure in His plan.  His word.  His love.  Clearly, I'm a work in progress.  But I know I'll make progress to be more like Him.  There are several verses that have brought me much comfort, Philippians chapter 4 is so helpful and calming.  2 Timothy 1 vs. 7 is also powerful for me.  I've had a few friends send me words and verses of comfort.  It helps immensely to read these words and know I'm being thought of.  I cannot express my humbled gratitude enough.

So if you would please do me a favor and keep praying for me, Ryan, and for our girls, I'd really appreciate it.  We shared the news with them last night and it went better than I had expected.  Thanks be to God.  Gracie had a bunch of questions, the first of which was, "Can it kill you?"  I told her that it will not kill me.  We discussed that it's not contagious and how smart all my doctors are.  We talked about how no one caused this to happen and how Momma is gonna try out being bald!  She has some experience with this from a show she watches and from a few friends who've gone through this.  She asked if I was excited to be bald and told her I might like it?!  We discussed how I need a team of people to help me through this.  We talked about everyone who's on my team.  All of our little family, all of our bigger family, and our friends, and church family, and work family, and on and on.  She quickly moved on and asked if we could play the cupcake game.  I said, "Let's do it!"  And that was about it.  A few more questions later in the evening, but mostly we're gonna take it as it comes.  She knows I want her to talk to me about it, but I also told her it was okay to talk anyone she wants about it.  This is not a secret.  So if Gracie seeks you out, please stay positive and encouraging.  That's what we need!

Specific prayer requests...
1.  Pray that the cancer has/does not spread to my lymph nodes, blood, or other body parts.
2.  Pray that I do not require radiation.
3.  Pray that my anxiety leaves and my faith is strengthened.
4.  Pray that I don't have a meltdown during the MRI... I'm kinda claustrophobic!
5.  Pray that Ryan feels peace and support during this time
6.  Pray that my girls remain peaceful, happy, and healthy in the days ahead.

I could go on and on, but we'll start with that!

A Whirlwind...

I haven't blogged in a long time, but I've decided to utilize this little space carved out for family memories to document a journey I'm about to begin.   My journey to fight breast cancer.

Here's how my journey began...

When I went in for my annual Well Woman exam on May 4th, I mentioned that I had noticed milk in my right breast.  I haven't nursed Hattie since she was 12 months old, so I didn't think that was normal.  I can't express any milk, but there's a crust on my nipple at the end of the day.  My doctor ordered some blood tests and a mammogram to rule things out.

On May 9th, I had my first mammogram, which led the doctor to do an ultrasound.  The ultrasound showed calcifications in and near my milk ducts.  This was a worry to the doctor because sometimes when your body doesn't like what's happening in an area, it will try to wall it off to prevent it from spreading. The calcifications weren't forming an entire wall yet, but they were in a suspicious pattern.  So on May 10th, I had an ultrasound-guided biopsy, which meant I could have it right there at the imaging center.  It was mostly painless and easy.  But the wait was stressful.

On May 15, I got the call that the results were in and my mom and I headed to the office to get results.  Turns out, I've got breast cancer.  DCIS, they said.  The doctor who did the biopsy explained that the cancer grows in milk ducts and it looks like mine is very, very early.  He said he can't be sure because lymph nodes need to be tested, but he thinks it could be as early as stage zero, which is great!  I've not googled it because I have enough to be scared of, without adding to the list.  But from what other people have googled, it seems to be very treatable and has very high survival rates.  The doctor said the first treatment is usually surgery.  They could opt to remove a portion of my right breast, or they may recommend a mastectomy and reconstruction.  He didn't know much about radiation or chemo following the surgery.

After a flurry of phone calls, I'm all set with the Breast Cancer Center at KU.  I'll meet my medical oncologist on Monday, May 21.  Then I'll meet my surgeon on Wednesday, May 23.  After those two appointments, I will have a clearer picture of what future tests and treatments and surgeries are ahead of me.  I have already decided that if they give me the option of having a double mastectomy with reconstruction, I will likely take that option.  I've always said that I'm not that attached to these girls and with the cancer history (of all kinds) that runs in my family, I'd rather get rid of any chance for it to grow.  Besides... I could go a little smaller and a little perkier!

Ryan and I have opted to wait to talk with the girls (specifically Gracie) about this until we have more answers.  After my appointments next week, we will share the news with them.  I know Gracie's a worrier and because no amount of worry will help this situation, I plan to choose my words very wisely with her.  I'd appreciate it if those if you reading this would choose your words carefully when  Gracie is around.  Both now and after we tell her.  I need prayers and I'm completely open to talking about things, but I don't want to scare my girls.  Cancer is a scary word and I'm hoping that this journey helps my girls to see the power of being proactive about your health. I'm also very, very, very confident in God's plan for His children.  Having been through rough patches before, I know that God is in control and His will for me is good.  I do not think He caused this cancer, but I do believe He will use it to strengthen my faith and reveal His glory.  I hope my daughters, family, and friends can be strengthened through this journey, as well.  Faith over fear, y'all.  That's what I tell Satan when he tries to take me on the worry train.  God has got me.  I don't know much about what's ahead, but I know He's holding me tight.

As my journey continues, I plan to update here on the blog.  I want to keep all of you in the loop and knowing what to pray for.  I am not always very good at texting and such.  I tend to put my phone down and come back later to find 25 unread texts.  It's just not my strength!  If you need a quick response, text my sister!  Haha!

For now, please pray for peace of mind.  Pray for strong faith.  Pray for wisdom in making decisions. Pray for health and joy in my future.

I'll update when I know more!