I know it's been a while since I updated the blog, but that's a good sign that life is finding it's way back to some kind of normal. People tell me that life after cancer is never the same as life before cancer, but so far, I'm finding that it's not terribly different for me. I have plenty of appointments and take more pills than I ever have, but I'm back to cooking for myself (I sure do miss the Meal Train!) and cancer doesn't consume every conversation I have. It's good to know that the worst days of this ordeal are behind me. I'm grateful that God kept me through those days and I'm pleased with myself for not letting the struggle get the best of me. All in all, life after cancer is a good place to be.
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First day of radiation (left)
Last day of radiation (right) |
The last time I blogged, I was about to begin radiation. Radiation wasn't a picnic, but it wasn't as bad as chemo. I underwent 20 treatments, one every weekday for 20 days, except Christmas. Which meant I finished on December 26th. The first 15 treatments radiated the same area day after day. Every other day I wore a bolus to even out the treatment on my skin. The area was a giant square that stretched from just below my collar bone to about 5 inches below my incision. It also reached across my sternum and wrapped around to my back. They added another small patch of radiation to zap the lymph nodes in my neck that run near my esophagus. The final 5 treatment were called "boost" treatments, which focused specifically on my scar and the surrounding 2 cm. This area is a common site for recurrence, which is why they do the boost treatment. Because radiation is a cumulative treatment, you don't notice much in the first few days/weeks, but the worst of it comes 1-2 weeks after you've finished.
For me, the worst side effect was the burning of my esophagus. I didn't even know it was a possibility. After a week of treatment, I started getting a sore throat. I thought I could be getting sick, but then decided that maybe I had somehow scratched my throat by swallowing something sharp, like a chip or crispy bacon or something. That feeling continued to intensify for another week and a half before I brought it up to my radiation oncologist. He didn't seem concerned, saying it usually just feels like a scratchy throat, but let him know if I needed some medicine for it. Well, either I'm a big ol' baby about pain, or the radiation burned my esophagus more than he anticipated because within 2 days, I could barely eat. I had to take tiny bites and chipmunk it into my cheek to swallow it just a very little bit at a time. I also developed this feeling like a pill was stuck in my throat. I think it must have been a blister on my esophagus or something, but it was just past my gag reflex. For about 2 weeks, I felt like I could vomit at any moment because the thing that was stuck just wouldn't go away. The doctor prescribed me a numbing mouthwash, they call it Magic Mouthwash, as well as a drug called Carafate. I had high hopes for the mouthwash, but turns out it's junk. It numbs your throat, tongue, lips, etc for like 3 swallows and then the food/drink washes it down and you're back to where you started. Plus it tastes terrible, so it's not worth it. The Carafate, on the other hand, was more helpful. It didn't take the pain away, but it coated my throat enough to lessen the discomfort. I took it 4 times each day and did my best to keep eating and keep drinking. I pureed as much food as I could and ate a whole bunch of soup. Love me some Panera! I ended up losing around 10 pounds in a 7 day period. It was no fun starving because I just couldn't swallow anymore food. Thankfully, I'm feeling much better. The esophagus isn't completely healed, but it only bothers me if I don't eat slowly. So I just make sure to eat slowly! The entire experience took me back to the days of my dad's radiation. His was way worse than mine and he was such a trooper through it all. I tell you, through my cancer journey, I've really learned that my dad was a tough cookie. A total beast, really! I think I inherited my grit from him! Don't take that the wrong way though, my mom is a force to be reckoned with in her own right!
The only other annoyance from radiation is the skin burn. For me, it didn't really develop until a week after my last treatment. Prior to that, I had tiny blisters all over my skin, but I preferred to think of them as a rash... it made me feel better about things! But once the treatment was done, the cumulative radiation dosage gave me blisters in my armpit and along my incision. They're still in the process of healing, but haven't caused me much pain. Some people have quite a bit of fatigue during treatment and for a few months afterward, but I haven't really noticed it much. I mean, what mom isn't tired all the time?
I got to ring the bell after my final radiation treatment. It was a happy moment! It finally hit me that the worst days were behind me. At the beginning of this road, when I was first diagnosed, I was feeling very overwhelmed with the treatment plan. People told me to focus on taking it one day at a time. And so I did. I took this journey just one day at a time and really asked God to give me the strength to make it through what I needed to each day. He did. When I rang the bell at my last radiation, I realized that the culmination of every single day, one at a time, had brought me to the other side of all the things that overwhelmed me at the beginning.
These are the sweetest nurses at NKCH!
One of the silver linings of this cancer experience has been the lovely people I've met.
I've also gotten started down the ovarian suppression path. I've had my first two shots already, only 118 to go! Just kidding! Until it's down to a number I can make with my fingers, I am absolutely not counting down. I had my first shot on the Monday after Thanksgiving and I was pretty worried that when I woke up on Tuesday, I would be a different person. Thankfully, that did not happen. I've had moments of feeling quick to anger, but they've been few and far between. Honestly, I have felt that way before ovarian suppression, so it's not drastically different. The biggest change I've noticed is the night sweats. They're as intense and annoying as they were when they first came during chemo. Right now I'm still trying to give my body a chance to regulate itself. If they continue to be a problem, I'll ask my doctor for help in managing them.
My hair is coming in, slowly but surely! It's still super gray, but all in all, I won't complain. I'm hoping to continues to grow quickly and thicken up. I'm still using the mermaid hair spray I made with essential oils. My friend Kristi gave me Sugar Bear Hair gummies to promote hair health, too! They're super yummy! Santa brought me a hair serum to try and I like it! It's so easy having short-short hair... boys have it easy! Wash. Condition. (I don't even know why I condition my hair?! Must be a habit.) Towel dry. Run product through hair. Done. It's ridiculous! I've said all along that I will go back to my long hair because I miss curls, braids, ponytails, etc. But I've decided that I'm definitely going to try to enjoy the journey back to long hair. I may get there in a few years or I may take longer. I've been saving hairstyles I'd like to try along the way, so I'm gonna have fun with it!
Just like always, my family has found plenty of adventure and fun to keep us busy! One of the many things I've learned through this journey is to take advantage of opportunities as they arise. I can be such a type A personality. I like things a certain way and if things don't seem perfectly ideal according to The Kristy Weaver Way, sometimes I get nervous about participating. But I'm learning to enjoy things, even when they make me nervous. I'm learning to value fun, even if I'm going to be out later than I'd like to be or my girls are going to get out of the little routine I prefer for them. And it's been good for me! I don't really do New Year's Resolutions, but this year, I hope to loosen my grip on the wheel of life and see where the road leads.
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| Dressing like pioneers at The Pony Express Museum in St. Joe |
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| The Fabulous Five |
For now, my personal prayer requests are much less urgent, but because I have so much prayer support, I'll put them out here. I do have a few friends who could use some intense prayer, so if you're willing, please pray for them as often as you think of them.
- Please pray for my friends fighting cancer. Sarah. Gavin. Cathy.
- Please pray for the family of my friend Janis. She lost her battle with cancer, but won the ultimate prize in heaven with our Father. Her family is the sweetest and please, just ask God to cover them in peace and comfort.
- Please pray that my cancer does not return. Ever.
- Please pray that my body would regulate the side effects from my longterm hormone suppression without the need for medication.
